Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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