She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Couch. On fire.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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