OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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