Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
