she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
