We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
