I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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