i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?