Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.