Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises