I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
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My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
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Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night