I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
