I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.