You made me cry and you don't even care
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
