Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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