like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
