You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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