My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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