found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
