the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
