barbara walters just said penis...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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