my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
