Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
