I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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