I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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