Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
the liver wants what the liver wants
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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