I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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