That's when you crack a 10am beer
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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