you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
