i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
