i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
