textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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