My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
