good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
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Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
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No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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