and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
