I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
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I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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