I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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