She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
