Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
