I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
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he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
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Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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