I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
