I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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