Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
