I need to stop coming to work sober
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
