what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize