The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
