If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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