you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
