Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
