i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
