That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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