i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
