What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
