I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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