don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Ladies don't puke and tell
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
