Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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