I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
