she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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