Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
