I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
