it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
