Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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