i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
