people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
