just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?