it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one