Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!