when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
