i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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