Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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