p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
