I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
