I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
