you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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