Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
